I actually printed out the comments on my rough draft. There were so many good comments, and constructive criticism given.
I think my comments from Dani are really going to help me. She broke down many of my paragraphs, and mentioned my choice of grammar and word choice.
One big thing that she mentioned was that I need a better opening. I also felt this way when I was writing my article. I think that her suggestions might lead me to a better opening.
Some of the other comments were on grammatical errors. This is extremely useful. I tend to make mistakes in these areas. So any help I can get, I am glad for it!
I also got some comments on subject matter. I was surprised that some of the other writers in our class had an opinion about this subject. I hope that this makes it interesting for a newspaper feature.
There were also some suggestions and advice when quoting sources. This is also helpful to me, I think that quoting a source can either make or break an article, and I don’t want to mess up.
I also received another tip for my opening. Possibly using an anecdote or something that really grabs the attention of the reader.
I want to do one more additional interview for my feature, and I also want to rewrite the lead, and possibly set the scene of the movie.
There was not really any advice that I am not going to try to take and use. I think that it is so helpful to get others to see problems or errors that need to be fixed. I also think that I am going to try and restructure my feature just a bit to help it flow better.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Homemade Ice Cream
Long hot days of summer there is no better treat than ice cream. Homemade ice cream is even better.
Getting the ingredients brings a new sense of excitement. Memories of childhood come rushing back.
Watching family gather around the kitchen, talking, laughing, and all working toward one purpose, the purpose of making a very special homemade ice cream recipe.
Mixing all the ingredients together is forming a wonderful aroma in the kitchen. The smell of vanilla is strong, and no low-fat items are even considered. This day, this Fourth of July holiday we can splurge.
Observing the children alternating salt and ice in the bucket filling it to the brim, as they are giddy with excitement is fascinating.
This event not only brings the family together during the preparation but also while eating the sweet reward of this frozen treat.
Just knowing that the matriarch of the family that once was solely responsible for making this recipe and holding tight to the secret ingredients is ever present even if she is no longer here in a physical form.
Getting the ingredients brings a new sense of excitement. Memories of childhood come rushing back.
Watching family gather around the kitchen, talking, laughing, and all working toward one purpose, the purpose of making a very special homemade ice cream recipe.
Mixing all the ingredients together is forming a wonderful aroma in the kitchen. The smell of vanilla is strong, and no low-fat items are even considered. This day, this Fourth of July holiday we can splurge.
Observing the children alternating salt and ice in the bucket filling it to the brim, as they are giddy with excitement is fascinating.
This event not only brings the family together during the preparation but also while eating the sweet reward of this frozen treat.
Just knowing that the matriarch of the family that once was solely responsible for making this recipe and holding tight to the secret ingredients is ever present even if she is no longer here in a physical form.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Rough Draft
The Twilight Saga, what is all the hype? Why do so many different people enjoy this series? Over a 100 million books have been sold worldwide. That is a huge amount. It must mean that there is something that strikes a nerve with readers. People of all ages and demographics enjoy these books and now enjoy the movies too. I am a thirty-one year old wife, and mother of two children, and I can relate to these novels as well as or maybe better than a teenager does.
Ralph Murray from Showplace Cinemas, says, “ We are expecting our tickets to sell out over the weekend” for the latest twilight movie, Eclipse. Showplace Cinemas are trying to give the audience what they want and have decided to show all three movies in one night. Murray says, “We plan to have a full house at the premier”. The new release is being shown for the first time at midnight on June thirtieth. Showplace Cinemas are offering this trilogy package deal to fans for twenty dollars. Only two of the Showplaces Cinemas are showing the new premier as a trilogy, Newburgh and East theaters.
Ryan Mitchell, a husband a father of two, has not read the books in the series but has watched the first two movies with his wife, who is a huge fan. Mitchell says “ I can appreciate the movies, for the action scenes, but I would not have watched them if not for my wife”. Mitchell is one of many men who have witnessed their wives reading the series non-stop. “My wife barely took time away from reading in the evenings after work.” Mitchell has no plans of reading any of the books in the future, and will probably only watch the latest movie Eclipse, when his wife purchases it. Many people share the same opinion as Mitchell. It seems that people are absolutely obsessed and cannot wait to read the next page or see the next scene, or they share the same view as Mitchell, that this is just a fad that will pass.
Leeann Butrum, a middle school teacher for Henderson County School Corporation, has recently read the entire series. Butrum, like many others, was late getting on the bandwagon. Butrum says, “The kids in my classroom enjoy the books and I wanted to have another way to relate and connect to my students”. She states, “The books were amazing and wonderfully written”. “The author has done such a fine way engaging all of your senses,” says Butrum, “that it is hard to put the books down”. Butrum also states “the author, Meyer, did a phenomenal job in the development of these fascinating characters”.
Stephanie Meyer, author of twilight series, exploits the dynamic of a woman’s ego. The way that her main character, Bella, emotions are tied to every decision help all women relate to her, and each other. The way Bella falls so hard in love with Edward, it reminds readers of their first love. Everyone who relates with Bella wants to find an Edward and every Edward wants to find a Bella. Edward is the air that Bella breathes, who would not want that. That is only one of the reasons why this series has done so marvelous.
So you may not be a huge fan, or even have seen the first of the movies in the series. But we need to keep in mind that these series have gotten an entire generation reading, and that alone is worth so much. Everyone needs to escape reality sometimes, and that is what reading for pleasure does.
Ralph Murray from Showplace Cinemas, says, “ We are expecting our tickets to sell out over the weekend” for the latest twilight movie, Eclipse. Showplace Cinemas are trying to give the audience what they want and have decided to show all three movies in one night. Murray says, “We plan to have a full house at the premier”. The new release is being shown for the first time at midnight on June thirtieth. Showplace Cinemas are offering this trilogy package deal to fans for twenty dollars. Only two of the Showplaces Cinemas are showing the new premier as a trilogy, Newburgh and East theaters.
Ryan Mitchell, a husband a father of two, has not read the books in the series but has watched the first two movies with his wife, who is a huge fan. Mitchell says “ I can appreciate the movies, for the action scenes, but I would not have watched them if not for my wife”. Mitchell is one of many men who have witnessed their wives reading the series non-stop. “My wife barely took time away from reading in the evenings after work.” Mitchell has no plans of reading any of the books in the future, and will probably only watch the latest movie Eclipse, when his wife purchases it. Many people share the same opinion as Mitchell. It seems that people are absolutely obsessed and cannot wait to read the next page or see the next scene, or they share the same view as Mitchell, that this is just a fad that will pass.
Leeann Butrum, a middle school teacher for Henderson County School Corporation, has recently read the entire series. Butrum, like many others, was late getting on the bandwagon. Butrum says, “The kids in my classroom enjoy the books and I wanted to have another way to relate and connect to my students”. She states, “The books were amazing and wonderfully written”. “The author has done such a fine way engaging all of your senses,” says Butrum, “that it is hard to put the books down”. Butrum also states “the author, Meyer, did a phenomenal job in the development of these fascinating characters”.
Stephanie Meyer, author of twilight series, exploits the dynamic of a woman’s ego. The way that her main character, Bella, emotions are tied to every decision help all women relate to her, and each other. The way Bella falls so hard in love with Edward, it reminds readers of their first love. Everyone who relates with Bella wants to find an Edward and every Edward wants to find a Bella. Edward is the air that Bella breathes, who would not want that. That is only one of the reasons why this series has done so marvelous.
So you may not be a huge fan, or even have seen the first of the movies in the series. But we need to keep in mind that these series have gotten an entire generation reading, and that alone is worth so much. Everyone needs to escape reality sometimes, and that is what reading for pleasure does.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Twilight Saga…To say that I am late getting on the bandwagon is a bit of an understatement.
I know that these books have been out for a couple of years, but I was determined that I was not going to read about vampires. It just seemed silly, and to be honest, I am thirty-one and I felt to old to be reading the same book that my eleven year old son is also reading.
Other than school books, this is what I have reading, in fact I read all four books, each between five to seven hundred pages each, in less than a week. They were wonderfully written, and the words flowed nicely, almost without thought. When I read for pleasure, this is what I want. A book that does not require me to look up words in the dictionary every other word, and that takes my mind to another place. This series did that for me.
I actually love to read. You would not know it, because for the last two years, I have only read a handful of books for pleasure. I guess that is what happens when I am in school full time, I read because I have to. I feel guilty reading something for pleasure, when I know that there are so many other things that I could or should be reading.
The truth is that reading for pleasure is a break from reality. Which is actually nice sometimes. I think that is why people enjoy reading so much.
I have now watched the first two movies of the series, and to be honest they are the best movies I have seen that have been taken from books. This is quite a compliment, because so many times the movies are an absolute let down. This is not the case. The movies have only left out some trivial details that do not affect the story or plot of the movie. I also think that the casting was done well. An “A” list celebrity would have taken too much away from the characters.
Well I have bought my ticket already for next week’s release. They have the trilogy playing it is showing all three movies in one night. The new Eclipse release is to be shown at midnight. I have to say I am very excited to see how well the book translates to the big screen.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Grammar Mistakes and etc.
These are the rules that I regularly have problems with:
-maintaining a constant tense
-commas
-many times I use commas, when a colon would be more fitting
-I am a terrible speller; they invented spell check for people like me
-how to properly quote someone
-I also write the same way I speak, this is a huge problem! Things in my head make perfect sense, but translating that into my writing is not always clear
Grammar- to me is using words together in a ways that flow for the reader.
Punctuation- this is hard, because I love to emphasize my words by using exclamation points, and using several periods in a row, to over exaggerate a pause
Spelling- as I mentioned above, this is a huge weak point for me, and I rely heavily on a dictionary
Subject-verb agreement- they should agree in number, as in when you have more than one subject, then the verb should be plural
Passive-active voice- staying in the same tense throughout the sentence and throughout the article.
I think that the main reason that I continue to make these mistakes is because of lack of practice. Writing is like a sport, and the more you do it, the better you will become at it. Considering that writing and reading is so vital to communication and essentially our survival and success, I think that students are not held to a high enough standard. Our elementary through high schools are getting better at this in the last several years, but we still need to do better. I know that when I was in my high school honors English, I did just enough to get by. I only wish that I had worked harder and concentrated more now. English, and the proper rules are vital to all subjects. I think that is the only reason that I have improved my skills in college, because nearly all courses require some writing.
-maintaining a constant tense
-commas
-many times I use commas, when a colon would be more fitting
-I am a terrible speller; they invented spell check for people like me
-how to properly quote someone
-I also write the same way I speak, this is a huge problem! Things in my head make perfect sense, but translating that into my writing is not always clear
Grammar- to me is using words together in a ways that flow for the reader.
Punctuation- this is hard, because I love to emphasize my words by using exclamation points, and using several periods in a row, to over exaggerate a pause
Spelling- as I mentioned above, this is a huge weak point for me, and I rely heavily on a dictionary
Subject-verb agreement- they should agree in number, as in when you have more than one subject, then the verb should be plural
Passive-active voice- staying in the same tense throughout the sentence and throughout the article.
I think that the main reason that I continue to make these mistakes is because of lack of practice. Writing is like a sport, and the more you do it, the better you will become at it. Considering that writing and reading is so vital to communication and essentially our survival and success, I think that students are not held to a high enough standard. Our elementary through high schools are getting better at this in the last several years, but we still need to do better. I know that when I was in my high school honors English, I did just enough to get by. I only wish that I had worked harder and concentrated more now. English, and the proper rules are vital to all subjects. I think that is the only reason that I have improved my skills in college, because nearly all courses require some writing.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Using Anecdotes
The author used anecdotes in her story to show the reader what the daily life of living with a child with the disorder is like. She did not just tell the reader the problem and the proposed solution, instead she walked the reader through this problem from they perspective of a family that has struggled with this very thing.
To get these kinds of details she interviewed the families that battle this disease first hand. That information grabs the reader’s attention and can possibly change their perception of the disease, almost as if it is giving a face to the disease.
The author also goes into detail the parent’s struggles and their determination to help their daughter to overcome this illness. When the author does this it also makes the disease more real. The love that the parents have for their child is obvious by the sacrifices that they are willing to make on behalf of their daughter. This part of the story plays a part on the emotions of the reader and especially any parents.
To help me improve in using anecdotes in my writing, I think that approaching the interview in a light-hearted way would be helpful. In other words do not make the interview all business. Talk about funny experiences that the subject has had with the subject matter, and then translate that into the story. This allows the reader to see all sides, not just the professional and sometimes boring “do this and not that” type of writing.
The problem I have is that I usually write the same way I talk. Which can be crazy at times and not using verbs, nouns, and pronouns in the correct order. That is the way my mind functions and it takes a lot of work to force my writing to make sense to someone other than myself sometimes. So getting that under control will allow for the anecdotes to work well within my feature.
To get these kinds of details she interviewed the families that battle this disease first hand. That information grabs the reader’s attention and can possibly change their perception of the disease, almost as if it is giving a face to the disease.
The author also goes into detail the parent’s struggles and their determination to help their daughter to overcome this illness. When the author does this it also makes the disease more real. The love that the parents have for their child is obvious by the sacrifices that they are willing to make on behalf of their daughter. This part of the story plays a part on the emotions of the reader and especially any parents.
To help me improve in using anecdotes in my writing, I think that approaching the interview in a light-hearted way would be helpful. In other words do not make the interview all business. Talk about funny experiences that the subject has had with the subject matter, and then translate that into the story. This allows the reader to see all sides, not just the professional and sometimes boring “do this and not that” type of writing.
The problem I have is that I usually write the same way I talk. Which can be crazy at times and not using verbs, nouns, and pronouns in the correct order. That is the way my mind functions and it takes a lot of work to force my writing to make sense to someone other than myself sometimes. So getting that under control will allow for the anecdotes to work well within my feature.
Feature Outline
Lead: Talk about every day dilemmas that most people encounter. Maybe tell a brief funny story from a source. This needs to be catching, something to grab the attention of the reader. Possible source: a mother struggling to take good images of her children
Introduction: begin with common problems and errors. Give simple descriptions to resolve those issues. Possible source: Professional photographer
Main Body: Give top ten suggestions from a professional photographer. Find out what kind of equipment they use, props, locations, lighting techniques, printing and post-processing tips, kind of like tips and tricks revealed from a professional. Possible source: interview a new professional photographer
Pre-Closing: Let the reader know of different sources to locate for future questions, good books, workshops, local classes, continuing education classes, expenses, possible websites for tips, and a few local photographers locations, printing and post processing tips
Closing: Explain to the reader that everyone has to start somewhere and that there are many sources to increase ones knowledge, and that many professional photographers are willing to share their knowledge with others if they are asked. Explain that there will be errors and problems that arise, but that this trial and error process is normal, and to be expected.
Introduction: begin with common problems and errors. Give simple descriptions to resolve those issues. Possible source: Professional photographer
Main Body: Give top ten suggestions from a professional photographer. Find out what kind of equipment they use, props, locations, lighting techniques, printing and post-processing tips, kind of like tips and tricks revealed from a professional. Possible source: interview a new professional photographer
Pre-Closing: Let the reader know of different sources to locate for future questions, good books, workshops, local classes, continuing education classes, expenses, possible websites for tips, and a few local photographers locations, printing and post processing tips
Closing: Explain to the reader that everyone has to start somewhere and that there are many sources to increase ones knowledge, and that many professional photographers are willing to share their knowledge with others if they are asked. Explain that there will be errors and problems that arise, but that this trial and error process is normal, and to be expected.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)